fat is most definitely a feeling, thin is the ultimate skill ...

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

happy new year gorgeous girlies !!

great start to the year - I'm in therapy .. not because of my rebellious eating habits but its more to do with the deterioration of my mental health. recently i have been suffering from bouts of psychosis which to be honest has had me freaking out. i have been hallucinating the most strangest things , somtimes magical which i tend not to be too disturbed over but then there are the not so magically things that haunt me sometimes all through the day.

my therapist suggests that i take some happy pills but looking through my notes she pointed out that there is a chance that the pills will make me gain weight , to which i have a phobia (obvs)so its not even debatable - i will just have to ride this thing out COLD TURKEY - did i really just mention turkey ?? Yuk

I'm not too sure how long these sessions are going to last but I'm hoping not too long , i appreciate the help that i have been given but i don't want them to get too deep . my last session she started to talk about feelings and patterns in my behaviour , eating cropped up - I'm not too comfortable with discussing these, i hate telling people about what happens when the bathroom door closes behind me and my head is sat in a toilet bowl.

I would prefer them to clear my mind free from the poisoned thoughts but leave me to continue my fight against fat , I'm not sure if that is even possible. the mind is a powerful thing i don't know if the two are linked.

Only time can tell ..

stay strong , stay thin XxXx


determined girl said...

Hi sweetie, I just came across your blog and even though I cannot fully relate to your psychosis diagnosis, I very well understand the phobia of gaining weight. I hope the therapy sessions go well for you and that you feel better.

Have a beautiful weekend,


... Love LA Xx said...

hey , thanks for posting !!

my therapy in in limbo at the moment , the lady that i was initially sent to seems to think i have some more serious issues so i am awaiting confimation of a more ' specified therapist ' (in what ?? i have no idea - they dont tell you much, they dont want to send yu into turmoil . they keep ebeythin hush hush)

i hope you are well princess : D Xx