its not that i dont care - im just a little lost right now !!!
my behaviour is disgusting , my attitude stinks. im constantly fighting with myself. i go from one extreme to the other. im ripping my self apart . its psychological now - suicidal thoughts can not be healthy - i seem to have crossed over into a dark place . ( nothing to do with eds btw ) my whole life is in turmoil. i blame the fat fuck that screwed with my life. why couldnt he just stay the hell away ???
i have been tip toeing about not letting myself go - trying to keep it together. i even tried Buddhism can you believe it ?? anything to occupy my mind pretending i could get over him - im not over him and its been 7 months almost.
still not net at home ,things are tight , bills bills and more fucking bills ....