fat is most definitely a feeling, thin is the ultimate skill ...

Sunday, 5 July 2009

OMG !! Has it really been 3 weeks since i last posted ???

Iv missed you loads ... i can only get onto the net when im at the parents, I have moved into my apartment now - which is absolutely gorgeous btw :) but i don't have my phone line in yet and my ex still has my laptop BOO !!

soooooo - to update you , im still FAT . not enormous just FAT. 3 weeks ago i was 145lbs i am STILL 145lbs. i have reached a plateau . i feel like giving up , i feel like this is me, this is what im supposed to look like ,this is the body for me ... what should i do ??? i have been investigating and normally this is the point when a person would give up - however if you ride it out and stay determined then you eventually start to see changes .. more weight loss. i am just struggling to accept the fact that 3 weeks and no change , how long will i be at this point for ?? what can i do to incur dramatic changes i am craving so desperately ??

the ABC thing was brilliant for me in dropping so much weight in such a short time however, on a negative note i have my appetite back. i am starting to enjoy food - knowing i can eat . even if its not what it used to be - its definitely back. i have decided that the ABC diet is not something i am going to continue with - i WANT to feel EMPTY , i WANT my day top be a STRUGGLE , i WANT my HATRED for food to TAKE OVER.

i associate a successful day consuming as little food as possible , the amount of ciggeretts i smoke is an indication of how much food COULD be in my stomach but is NOT . i love passing out after i have been running. i like how my head pounds. i secretly like my work collegues commenting on my lunch for the day - usually a cup a soup - or some crunchy veg. wishing they could be like me when it comes to controlling their rumbbling bellies.

tomorrow is monday - back to basics .. little calorie intake - plenty of water and over exercising !!!!

i am going to catch up on your blogs .

i hope you are good ..


Much Love Xx