fat is most definitely a feeling, thin is the ultimate skill ...

Thursday, 29 April 2010

its official - iv got acne !!!!

I went to visit the doctor yesterday to try and get something to help with skin. I was reluctant to go at first because i thought the doctor would notice that im undernurished and that the cause of the spots was down to my diet - or lack of it. To my horror she actually diagnosed mewith acne; although its not a serious case i do still have it. I thought that only teenagers got acne im in my fucking 20s - apparently it effects males during their teens however females usually get it early 20s . wTF !!! im a fat spotty fuck , as if i dont have enogh problems ????

Iv got double classes at the gym tnyt i need work my ass off. Iv put on a couple of lbs this week indulged way too muchchocolate and busicuits !!!!

I need to get my act together , get somw kind of routine in place. Im all over the place at the moment. I dont feel focused at all . I was doing well in previous weeks

/omebody help me !!!!!!!!! xx

Thursday, 22 April 2010

huge workout at the gym last nyt.. very little in take yesterday. same planned for today. Iv eaten a cereal bar and half a crumpet, that will do for today. Iv got a double class tonight at the gym. Curcuit training and spinnin . Might consider getting my enormous ass on the scales - or maybe i wont !!!

My skin looks nasty - i have huge spots on my chin and on my head. Iv been takin vitamins but they dont seem to have an effect. I have special face wash too but that too is hopeless. I look a state, and my conceler wont hide these horrible boils. YUK !!!! Im disgusting :(

hope you gorgeous girlies are feelin well - keep up the good work !!!!!!

Much love Xx

Monday, 19 April 2010

well its 4.30pm and iv just indulged n a chicken n vegtable cupa soup. Im working til 8.00pm which im not too down about cos ill be busy right the way through. When i get home tonight i have nothng to binge on. I have purposely no food in my cupboards - i will go and sweat it out in the gym for an hour and then straight to bed so the soup that is sitting warm in my stomach is the only thing i will eat today. Yipee !!

I refuse to go to see my mother cos her house is filled with goodies i cant focuse on anything else while im there b, im sure the biscuits and chocolate bars that are stashed in the fridge intercept my brainwaves. I can here them calling my name ' eat me eat me ' they dont stop until im ripping through their wrappers cramming them in my mouth like the ganit i am.

I hope to weigh in this week so i am going to try my hardest - isolation is a MUST !!!!!!!! Xx

Sunday, 18 April 2010

after a brilliant weekend with my girlfriends im ready for isolation again. Iv booked my circuit trainning and back to back spinning classes all ready for next week. I will succeed in a complete wipeout .. I was almost there last week, a few fuzzy head days but iv promised myself a mission of self distruction - BRING ON THE PAGNES !!!!

Iv not weighed in for a few days but during my period i avoid the scales - iv learned through preious freak outs and hysterical tantrums its just not worth it. Ill leave it til mid week i think. I just pray that my hard work and retricting makes a difference to the numbers shown last time i checked it.