Skinny Cow .....: November 2013

Wednesday 20 November 2013

p.s the midwife weighed me at 10st 10lbs ... 150lbs

wow ! wow ! wow ! cant tell you how long it has been .. I swear if I was to blog as much as I tweet i wouldn't get anything done. I mean 45 characters , being read by friends and ex-colleagues I have to be particular with what I write , its usually all for effect , well some of it I let myself go but usually its pretty grim , no real substance to what i write. ' I like Christmas ' ' My dog is so cute' ' Cant wait to get home' Im surprised i still have followers..

Anyhow I'm visiting today to confess a few things ... life changing actually no matter how much I'm in denial !

I'm pregnant !!!!!!!

That very statement cringes me ! So much, I wont let anybody else say it .. Wont let anybody speak of it ..

I'm actually coming into my second trimester (official terminology) which means 12 weeks .. I'm due my ultra sound on Friday.

I cant believe it ! I don't want to believe it ! The feeling is surreal !

My boyfriend is delighted and so are both families ... a gift from god they tell me.

I'm ashamed to say it out right, but I don't feel the connection. I know that I hate being pregnant , I hate everything about it. I feel alien ! I'm looking at my swollen stomach and my growing breast and I just feel like taking a knife and cutting them all off ! All i can think about it gaining weight , my fat face , my fat arms and fat legs.. I swear even my toes and fingers are fat .. THE PREGNANCY GLOW is non-existent don't be fooled.

I have always thought of myself being single and free .. forever ! Clung to the Peter Pan in me , the girl who never grows up ! I never imagined that I would ever be responsible for the life of another human being , its terrifying !

In all honesty I feel I am 'stuck' now , bound to the babies father for life .. (an obvious conclusion I know) I feel like my freedom has been taken away from me and I am devastated. Ideally I would not of wanted to be a single parent so I should be grateful that my partner is excited to be starting a family but if I think really hard about it I'm not convinced I would have chosen him to do it with , I mean I have loved him before and in the beginning I thought he was the only person for me , who understood me, we really connected but over time I feel I have outgrown him and our perceptions on life and so different.

This pregnancy has me doubting my entire relationship , I'm questioning my motives , my goals , my future.

I'm in a situation I have no control over .... control ... can you guess who I have turned too .. sad face*

Tips & Tricks ... Xx

Taken From Jade Her Pro-Ana Lifestyle*Take vitamin B6 and B12 supplements, they speed up your metabolism like none other * Purge in the shower, or in the sink when your music is playing. * If your about to binge, chew some gum, and think of yourself what obese people look like * Drink a glass of water every hour * Eat one meal everyday, this will help to prevent binge cravings * Take caffeine tablets * Smoke when you feel hungry * If you are craving food, brush your teeth * Eat gum all day * Sleep at least six hours a night, less than 6 hours stimulates appetite by 15% * When you sit, move your foot or something, every cal counts! * Tell everyone you're allergic to some foods * Hit your stomach when it's grumbling * Never eat when people are around * Associate food with feeling sick * Never eat anything that doesn't have nutrition labels * Save one dollar for every meal you don't eat, then buy yourself a non food present * Take a bath * Always take your vitamins * Know when your trigger binge time is and avoid it * Drink water in stead of eating * Watch fat people eat, and see how disgusting they are * Listen loud music and sing/scream * Spinning yourself in circels decreases hunger

Taken From La Petite Princess *eat smart. Eating 800 cal worth of cake is way way different then eating 800 cal worth of fruits, veggies, etc. Fruits are actually not all that great for you- although the sugar is natural, it is still sugar. So, stick to two or so a day. Make sure to get some whole grains!!! I eat only only only whole grain breads and cereal- Total Whole Grain is great because it has plenty of vitamins to make your body use up more energy during the day, and the whole grain factor. Whole grains make you feel full, provide for better skin and better stomach function. I eat it with low fat yogurt- also very important to get dairy. That's for skin and hair also. Having a low cal diet you need to watch out so that all your hair does not fall out. Yogurt is much healthier than milk. Also, check out wasa whole grain crispbreads- thats the most whole grain per calorie you will ever find

Thin Comandments

1) If you aren't thin, you aren't attractive2) Being thin is more important than being healthy3) You must but clotes, cut your hair, take laxatives, anything to make yourself look thinner4) Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty5) Thou shall not eat fattening food withoud punishing afterwards6) Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly7) What the scale says is the most important thing8) Losing weight is good, gaining weight is bad9) You can never be to thin10) Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and succes.