Skinny Cow .....

Saturday 20 March 2010

Where's my head at ????

Yesterday was a bad day for me ( eating i did good - total in take aprox 500cals )but my mentally ??? Paaah !! I got myself up , showered , dressed. Made myself up as best as i could and was ready to set out on my daily adventure. Before i left my apartment i went into my room to check my reflection one last time and disaster strikes !!!! the big fat ugly cow that looked back out me screamed at me ' you cant seriously take yourself out looking like that ' !!

i began to take off layers hoping that somehow i would look lighter... but before i could say ' laxative 'i had stripped down to my underwear and stood there wondering how the fuck i could even think about going out. People dont need to see me like this - i would die if anybody i knew could see me looking so disgusting. I slumped on the floor sobbing at the state of my elephant like legs , my doughnut looking stomach and my American footballer looking shoulders !!!

i put on my jamas and sat myself in front of the TV and watched any bit of TV thinspo i could find on the box.. i didn't move all day - it was a beautiful day outside and was my last day off work so i really wanted to make the most of it. Instead i sat on the sofa opened my pad of a4 paper and decided to write a letter - fuck knows who i was writing to but i hoped that getting everything out of my head and onto paper i would feel better - it helped .

later when it got dark - wrapped myself up in my biggest coat with my hood up and headed out of town where nobody know me. I walked around for a couple of hours just thinking -

i have ignored texts and calls from my friends today i just wanted to be on my own . Imagined what they would say if they could see me right now - they dont understand the reality of this and there narrow minds would not even try to understand - so i suffer in silence ( which suits me fine ).

I dragged my ass home round 10ish and fell asleep on the sofa - i dont go to my bedroom to sleep anymore because i just lay there restless until early hours.

Woke up early this morning - still feeling FUGLY but my weigh in confirmed i has lost another 1 lb - set me up for the day.

Down -Up -Down -Up ... I'm beginning to see a pattern here

apologise for all the waffle dolls ...

much love xx

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Tips & Tricks ... Xx

Taken From Jade Her Pro-Ana Lifestyle*Take vitamin B6 and B12 supplements, they speed up your metabolism like none other * Purge in the shower, or in the sink when your music is playing. * If your about to binge, chew some gum, and think of yourself what obese people look like * Drink a glass of water every hour * Eat one meal everyday, this will help to prevent binge cravings * Take caffeine tablets * Smoke when you feel hungry * If you are craving food, brush your teeth * Eat gum all day * Sleep at least six hours a night, less than 6 hours stimulates appetite by 15% * When you sit, move your foot or something, every cal counts! * Tell everyone you're allergic to some foods * Hit your stomach when it's grumbling * Never eat when people are around * Associate food with feeling sick * Never eat anything that doesn't have nutrition labels * Save one dollar for every meal you don't eat, then buy yourself a non food present * Take a bath * Always take your vitamins * Know when your trigger binge time is and avoid it * Drink water in stead of eating * Watch fat people eat, and see how disgusting they are * Listen loud music and sing/scream * Spinning yourself in circels decreases hunger

Taken From La Petite Princess *eat smart. Eating 800 cal worth of cake is way way different then eating 800 cal worth of fruits, veggies, etc. Fruits are actually not all that great for you- although the sugar is natural, it is still sugar. So, stick to two or so a day. Make sure to get some whole grains!!! I eat only only only whole grain breads and cereal- Total Whole Grain is great because it has plenty of vitamins to make your body use up more energy during the day, and the whole grain factor. Whole grains make you feel full, provide for better skin and better stomach function. I eat it with low fat yogurt- also very important to get dairy. That's for skin and hair also. Having a low cal diet you need to watch out so that all your hair does not fall out. Yogurt is much healthier than milk. Also, check out wasa whole grain crispbreads- thats the most whole grain per calorie you will ever find

Thin Comandments

1) If you aren't thin, you aren't attractive2) Being thin is more important than being healthy3) You must but clotes, cut your hair, take laxatives, anything to make yourself look thinner4) Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty5) Thou shall not eat fattening food withoud punishing afterwards6) Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly7) What the scale says is the most important thing8) Losing weight is good, gaining weight is bad9) You can never be to thin10) Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and succes.